The List and the Missed: Who's Invited to Your Wedding?
Posted: Tuesday, September 18, 2007
by Jason Forthofer
In the end, wedding planning is a numbers game. When you know how many guests will attend, you know how many chairs you'll need for the ceremony, how many tables you'll need for the reception, how much food to order from the caterer, how much alcohol you'll need to stock the bar, how big a cake you'll need, how many wedding favors you'll want to provide - all critical to the success of your event. You'll also get a good idea of who may and may not be speaking to you when it's all over. Here are a few suggestions for compiling a fair and equitable guest list.
- Start with a budget - you and your family (or your intended, if you're throwing your own wedding) know your financial limitations. Determine a dollar amount you're comfortable with. Take into consideration all the elements of a wedding (gown, reception hall, catering, cake, etc.), and do some research on your first, second and third choices to see how much you'll be paying for each item. In the end, you should have a rough idea of how many guests you can invite.
- Make a three-column list of family and friends - the top-tier (must be invited), the second tier (invite if at all possible) and the third tier (invite if many in the first two tiers confirm they cannot attend.) Always ask the groom and his parents for their list of must-have invitees. There are several mitigating factors here, like out-of-town family who need to be invited but may not come. Talk to family and friends who live far away. If you know some of them can't attend, you can open up your guest lists to other family and friends who might otherwise have not made "the cut."
- Make clear distinctions where family is concerned. If your space is truly limited, invite aunts and uncles, but eliminate cousins. Hurt feelings can cause family rifts for years.
- Limit your work associates to those with whom you work most closely - your boss and your immediate department. If space is truly at a premium, forget your work associates. They'll understand.
- If Mom and Dad are footing the bill, they may see your wedding as "payback" time for all the wedding, bar mitzvah and confirmation gifts they've given over the years. Remind them that this is about you. Suggest they renew their vows at a later date to resolve their need for reciprocation.
- Shower guests are wedding guests. Period. The only exception is when your office co-workers throw you a shower.
Don't agonize over your guest list, and stay mindful of your budget. Weddings should be celebrated with those you love - family and friends closest to you who truly share in your happiness.
Susan Hawkins is a writer for My Wedding Favors. Visit My Wedding Favors at http://www.myweddingfavors.com for more informative wedding articles, bridal gift ideas, bridesmaid gifts, groomsmen gifts, wedding favors and much more.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Hello,
I have a couple questions, your opinion in this would be greatly appreciated. This is causing a war in my relationship at the moment.
1. Should friends of a previous relationship be invited to a wedding?
2. Should godparents of children of a previous relationship be invited?
3. Anyone related to a past realationship be invited to your wedding?
Thank you much
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